Emotional Vomiter - Part 2 of 5

Continued from Part 1

There is a verse in the bible that I find one of the most important, yet people fail to fully understand its meaning since the verse itself is so simple. It encompasses both logic and compassion, discipline and openness. It is what makes people both purposed and humane, stern yet gentle, free yet directed. It is the simple verse of Mathew 10:16...."Be ye as wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." For it is the balance of both of these that lets people live and feel life as God truly intends.

You see, what I think you might be taking as shyness or me being insecurely reserved, desperate or romantically restless really comes from a different place and therefore might be a misrepresentation of who I am. First off, I have never met anybody off the internet. The whole thing made me skeptical and nervous. Also, the way we got to introduce ourselves the other night was weird ... I waited in my car for you to arrive out of courtesy to you. I didn't want you to have to search for my table, nor did I want you to have to find me sitting at the table all warm and dry with you just showing up soaked and cold. My intention was to see you pull up and get out and walk in with you at the same time. It made it awkward how you ran into the restaurant before I could get there, which meant by the time I got in we had to meet for the first time ever with the hostess watching, ready to seat us. Along with that, I found you to be quite a surprise. Being that we met online, and you were my first date of somebody in that way, I was really surprised. Your look, demeanor, manners, smile, and laugh....all of it was very much what I look for and am used to getting, but I just wasn't expecting it from an online match that came so easily and quickly after joining something I had rolled my eyes at for so long. It all caught me off guard and made me feel unusually not myself, especially coming from the day I had at work.

That said, I really like to get to know somebody from the ground up, inside out. I usually listen before I speak. Most girls I've been with, most girls I date and talk to, are successful, very outgoing, talk a lot, and typically knew something about me going into it... And because I've always felt confident in what I have to offer and can be very picky about what I am looking for, I usually spend the first meeting leading the conversations as far as asking questions and getting to know the other person. When I think about it, I guess you could almost say I size them up to see if I want more to do with them. With you it was different. I felt like I already knew you and liked you, which is odd considering how hard I usually am to get and the way we met. You weren't nearly as talkative as what I'm use to, for which the reason is obvious now...

I wouldn't be talkative if I was sitting across from a guy I thought looked like Shrek either ;) . No, but seriously....it was different than I'm use to. I've never in my life been dumped, and I've never once been the chaser or the person who was turned down. I know that is coming off cocky, but I don't mean it like that.. It is just true. I've always felt like the smarter one, the less interested one...Like the person who had the choice and the one with less to lose. Never have I ever been anything but.... yet it has been the opposite with you. I felt that at the restaurant and your email last night confirmed it. It all put me out of my comfort zone and I'm not sure why.

All that said, I wanted to say this to you before you become a person I talked to for a few weeks and never heard from again...

I know you are a driven successful person. You attended a top 30 school in the country (I know because I looked into it when I was considering where to apply for my doctorate degree/PHD), all of your friends and family are equally driven and have obviously worked hard to get to where they are. You have a great work ethic and your whole life will be defined by the cause and effect relationship behind effort and outcome, reap and reward, do then see. But, I dare you to be bold enough to equally enjoy the smaller, easier, things that come along in life. Just because something comes easy, or free, doesn't mean its not worth having or keeping. A rundown shack on the beach can be equally as beautiful as the mansion on the hill. And considering a week's salary would pay the title for the shack by the sea, versus the mansion, it might even be more enjoyable since there isn't a mortgage, debt, or stress attached.

I'm not sure what you think I'm seeking, what you feel I have to offer, or what you think I was expecting in return, but I assure you it was all free with not a single string attached. I wasn't trying to marry you, I wasn't trying to wow you, I wasn't trying to replace your best friend, get you to give me your kidney, nor was I trying to fill your weekend/date schedule. I merely wanted to get to know you more and have enough fun with you smile and laugh your adorable subtle chuckle a few more times while I did it....that's it :)