You are a great girl with so many amazing qualities. In a lot of ways I feel a lot of guys search the world to never find what I found in just a few emails, a phone call, and a couple of glasses of wine....and for that I consider myself a lucky and thankful man for having met you. I consider our time, although extremely brief, a time worth having. I've never faced a situation in my life that I didn't quite understand but yet I knew I was completely ready to jump....and jump for you I would have.
I'm not trying to say I wanted your hand in marriage, to be exclusive, or even serious, but even just as friends getting a drink once a month or something, I would have enjoyed that as much with time as all the girls I seem to be finding meeting. I don't know...I guess for me dating is an expensive habit. If you're not a guy trying to score with girls, which I'm not, then it just seems like a waste unless its with people you really enjoy and like. I've dated smart girls who weren't goofy enough to have fun, I've dated successful girls that were too rigid to be spontaneous, and I've dated gorgeous girls that end up being superficial sorority types that rely on the outter things to make up for the void of the inner. I've dated christian girls who had a lot to offer, but weren't balanced enough to share much of the other things in life that I have fun with and enjoy. Point is, I've dated all types....and then I've talked to you. You had so much of what I'm looking for, and I've had enough opportunities in life to be with and around girls enough to know it's a rare package to find. I couldn't/can't help being excited for that, for you, and I am sorry if that excitement turned you off. I guess in a perfect world that would be a positive thing and not a negative thing...and you would see it as a compliment worth receiving as appose to an obstacle worth dodging.
I think on paper we really match. I would love for you to read over my profile one more time, answers, your answers, mymy emails, and anything else and tell me what there is that you don't truly agree with. Its all real, all me, and all genuine. I assume yours was too.... I just think on paper its perfect. Beyond that, well....we didn't have much of a chance. Like I said, you were getting me with no strings attached. We could've talked once a week, once a month, you could have continued to date....all of it. I had no expectations and thus don't see what you had to end it so matter of fact so quickly. There were other options you know :)
All that said, assuming I won't hear back from you after this....I'd like to end by saying this. Thanks for taking the time to read this. You didn't have to and it means a lot that you did! I appreciate it! :) Along with all the other qualities I know you deserve, I hope the guy you meet, eventually, is as open, willing, and able to pamper and spoil for every completely unselfish reason that can be thought of or created. Life is a long thing the only saying that is worth remembering is simply, "this too shall pass". No matter what it is, I promise it will go. Your beauty, his looks, money, health, your dads company, all of it will some day be gone. I hope your guy treats you as a priceless treasure to be enjoyed and cherished every day. I hope he makes you feel loved and adored everyday without making you feel smothered or brown nosed. There is a quote by Martin Luther Kind Jr. that I think is compelling and true...it goes:
"All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affect one directly affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I become what I ought to be."
I hope your guy challenges you while embracing you, respects you while questioning you. I hope he pushes you and pulls you through life and all its many experiences. All this makes me seem so serious, methodical, rigid, and structured....but I'm not. I'm very laid back and easy going....apparently I just love sending you long emails making myself look a fool! :) haha...but, how often do I get to meet a girl that makes me feel like I am a fool? So, forgive me while I bask in a moment's feeling that is briefly passing :)
Again, I appreciate your honesty and respect you for saying how you feel as soon as you feel it. As you well know by now, I think the world of you and have a ton of respect for you. I think you're the most beautiful girl I've seen in a very long time, and that's the last reason I even like you. I hope you'll take all this as nothing more than a pure compliment. If you ever wonder about me, question this, or change your mind I hope you'll call me and say hi. I'd love to meet you for dinner or something sometime if you ever have a night free. And, for what its worth....about 10 of my friends are all going skiing at xxxx (an hour away from here) one of the next few weekends. Its kind of an annual couples thing we do. Some are married, one is engaged, and the other has a guy she is dating....I was going to see if you wanted to come. I know its kind of weird since we hardly know each other, and I have other people I'm talking to that I've known for longer that I know would love to go with me, but I really thought it would be a good way for us to get to know each other a bit more. Since I have the answer before I even got a chance to invite you, I won't do the dumb thing now and tell you about how much fun it will be... :) BUT, if you change your mind....again, I hope you'll feel ok enough to call me in spite of breaking it off with me now. Good luck and take care!
He signed with all of his contact information.
I did ignore this email. He sent a few text messages throughout the year. I responded one time when he asked why again. I said he was too intense and it was too much for me. I honestly hope he finds someone who is perfect for him.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Emotional Vomiter - Part 4 of 5
There is no way you got to know me, the real me, in such a way that you could make that decision, unless it was for superficial reasons, over such a casual, short, and superficial dinner. If it wasn't my looks, or something superficial like that, then what was it? Was it because I don't salsa dance? :) I'm a good dancer and would love to learn.... Because I don't speak Italian? I had four years of xxxx (equally as romantic) and I'll learn Italian by the end of the year if it meant a date 2 :)... Because I don't work for my parents and haven't traveled the world like you? Well, I grew up poor. Both my parents were going back to school while raising 5 kids. I literally was poor growing up. We never traveled and we never went on vacations. However, my parents did make it through school and now have great jobs. My dad is in the xxx industry and my mother is a xxx that makes $48 an hour. They make well into 6 figures and have absolutely no debt...not even a mortgage. I could ask for them to give me $5k just cause and they would put it in my bank account by the end of the day. However, I respect their journey and I appreciate life's struggles. I think God wants us to live life content with what he has given us...and I live my life exactly that way. I think a men can learn more about himself in the shadow of the valley than the crest of the wave that rises above the undisturbed part of the water...I think it is the struggle that pushes men to be men. I wanted my own journey...therefore I moved out and have done everything on my own. I have not taken one penny from my parents since I was 18. Not for cars, not for school, and not for vacations. Every thing I've done I've done by my own will, my own drive, and my own ambition. I haven't been to Italy, Spain, China, or the moon.....but I've seen the sun rise off of Navy Pier, see the sun set on the Rio Grande, I've see the ball drop on New Years from the very center of the heart of Time Square and danced in the streets to confetti falling from the night sky with the taste of champing still on my lips as a million people sang Frank Sinatra's "New York New York". I've seen the lights of Vegas, I've slept under the stars of Texas, I've had breakfast in xxxx, sat in a hot tub over looking the xxxx, seen the lakes freeze from the shore of xxxx, and taken in the view from the highest mountain in xxxx. I've been booed by a 100,000 screaming fans at xxxx in xxxx, and I've soaked in the country's hottest natural pool in xxxx.......and I've done it all with my own gas, my own money, and paid for it all with my own sweat.
I didn't have three degrees, but I had a 3.6 GPA in my undergraduate and graduate programs, all while putting in 60 hours a week for xxxx program. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. I'm not rich, but I don't know many XX year olds that make in the $80,000's that haven't had others to open doors for them to get there. I'm not cleaning the air, but I sit just xxx links of command under the President of the United States and my work is directly needed and affects the men, women, and organizations that protect our country. And as much as I've said about myself above (which is to make a point, not to brag), I guarantee you won't find a more humble, grateful, genuine person in life...
I don't have your exact past or your exact journey, but I have my own and its one I am very proud of. Whatever it is your doing, your attracted to, you have planned, or your going through....I just don't see how you made the decision your life was better off by only having spent 45 minutes with me and never again seeing or talking to me again? And not only that, but the respect wasn't even there enough to say it in person....it was a dear john email through eharmony :)
You're right, I'm a great guy. I hope you know that and meant it when you said it, and I hope you are sure you made the right decisions based on the right reasons derived from the right assessments. I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing, and maybe I don't deserve you.....but maybe I did. I think its sad that neither of us will know. I went into our dinner as 'a' brief meeting, not "the" meeting. Anybody I consider worth meeting once, I would have automatically assumed and thought she would be worth meeting a second or a third too...But that's me. My time is very busy and important and I'm very picky about random girls I meet of the internet. I'm not saying you aren't, but again, I just feel it came so easy that you couldn't help but to take it all for granted. I think I went into it all with a different mind set than you...and looking back maybe that's a good thing.
Again, I'm not mad, I'm not angry...obviously I have no right or reason to be :) I very much appreciate your honesty and the fact that you respected me enough to not waste my time. However, I'm a very honest and curious person, so part of me would love to know what your real reason is and what its based on....no matter how brutal, superficial, or personal it all might be. Or otherwise, understand how you feel you know enough about me in such a short period of time to judge the rest of me, and you simply feel that isn't comparable with what you want/need/are looking for in any capacity in your life. But, I realize that's not my right nor your obligation to me. What's important is you feel at peace with your decision and you have other things you obviously are looking forward to that make you happy.
And on that note... I appreciate your kind words and you taking the time to meet me. It was a lovely dinner talking with you and I enjoyed your company! I do feel you didn't get to know me and you are losing something I think you would have really been glad to be around and know...if only as a friend if anything. We talked only twice and met only once...both were times when I was tired and had been busy. I'm a lot more fun and enjoyable then your impression of me probably reads, and I feel we have a lot more in common than you might realize. And while I want to say I think its your loss, I know the true reason this email is so long is because I know in most ways its my loss. While I wish we had more time to get to know one another...I also know you are a very smart girl and know what is best for you, obviously, better than anybody else. So, I I'll hope this decision is what's better for you and that in itself gives me happiness and peace!! :)
I didn't have three degrees, but I had a 3.6 GPA in my undergraduate and graduate programs, all while putting in 60 hours a week for xxxx program. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. I'm not rich, but I don't know many XX year olds that make in the $80,000's that haven't had others to open doors for them to get there. I'm not cleaning the air, but I sit just xxx links of command under the President of the United States and my work is directly needed and affects the men, women, and organizations that protect our country. And as much as I've said about myself above (which is to make a point, not to brag), I guarantee you won't find a more humble, grateful, genuine person in life...
I don't have your exact past or your exact journey, but I have my own and its one I am very proud of. Whatever it is your doing, your attracted to, you have planned, or your going through....I just don't see how you made the decision your life was better off by only having spent 45 minutes with me and never again seeing or talking to me again? And not only that, but the respect wasn't even there enough to say it in person....it was a dear john email through eharmony :)
You're right, I'm a great guy. I hope you know that and meant it when you said it, and I hope you are sure you made the right decisions based on the right reasons derived from the right assessments. I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing, and maybe I don't deserve you.....but maybe I did. I think its sad that neither of us will know. I went into our dinner as 'a' brief meeting, not "the" meeting. Anybody I consider worth meeting once, I would have automatically assumed and thought she would be worth meeting a second or a third too...But that's me. My time is very busy and important and I'm very picky about random girls I meet of the internet. I'm not saying you aren't, but again, I just feel it came so easy that you couldn't help but to take it all for granted. I think I went into it all with a different mind set than you...and looking back maybe that's a good thing.
Again, I'm not mad, I'm not angry...obviously I have no right or reason to be :) I very much appreciate your honesty and the fact that you respected me enough to not waste my time. However, I'm a very honest and curious person, so part of me would love to know what your real reason is and what its based on....no matter how brutal, superficial, or personal it all might be. Or otherwise, understand how you feel you know enough about me in such a short period of time to judge the rest of me, and you simply feel that isn't comparable with what you want/need/are looking for in any capacity in your life. But, I realize that's not my right nor your obligation to me. What's important is you feel at peace with your decision and you have other things you obviously are looking forward to that make you happy.
And on that note... I appreciate your kind words and you taking the time to meet me. It was a lovely dinner talking with you and I enjoyed your company! I do feel you didn't get to know me and you are losing something I think you would have really been glad to be around and know...if only as a friend if anything. We talked only twice and met only once...both were times when I was tired and had been busy. I'm a lot more fun and enjoyable then your impression of me probably reads, and I feel we have a lot more in common than you might realize. And while I want to say I think its your loss, I know the true reason this email is so long is because I know in most ways its my loss. While I wish we had more time to get to know one another...I also know you are a very smart girl and know what is best for you, obviously, better than anybody else. So, I I'll hope this decision is what's better for you and that in itself gives me happiness and peace!! :)
Emotional Vomiter - Part 3 of 5
Continued again. I lost track of where the emails cut off. I think we are somewhere around 3
I don't know how, why, when it happened, or what you did to earn it, but I sincerely liked you. Not just as a beautiful mysterious girl I was trying to win, but as a person in general. Your answers, emails, our phone conversation gave me an impression of you that I (obviously) have thought very highly of. There is plenty of things that needed to happen, plenty of conversations that still needed to be had, and plenty of moments that needed to be shared to confirm and verify much of what I think and feel, but I have a great deal of respect for you, an enormous amount of appreciate for what you embody, and an attraction for just about every inch of what I've seen of you. I feel like the fact that I see that and get that about you on week two, versus year two, is a compliment to me not a negative. Would it had made a difference if I didn't say this to you for another two months? Would that have made my word then, or my words now, any more or less true? The answer is no. I'm a smart enough person to know what makes people attracted to people, what games make it interesting and exciting, and how wondering if somebody likes you is more addictive and enticing than knowing they do. What I've said to you hasn't been a game, although I'm sure me throwing smooth lines at you or playing some of those games might have at least gotten me a second meeting. I know you aren't shallow, but none the less, I hope you didn't find the ease and directness of it (me) a turn off! Just because it fell into your lap versus you working to earn it, doesn't mean it isn't as real or valuable as anything else you'll ever seek or desire.
I realize it makes me come off desperate and unreasonable, but that isn't at all who I am. I have plenty of friends, exes, and girls who are in themselves great catches, but just aren't exactly what I'm looking for. I can give you the names numbers of attractive girls who would love to be hearing me say the same things I've say to you but never have and never will. As funny as all that sounds for me to bring up...if you question any of that then I hope you'd take me up on the offer. I told you that I was in a relationship for two years....well, she was one of my closest friends. She was diagnosed with Bone Cancer and undertook Kimo. There were so many things about life and friendship I learned from her and took away from my relationship with her, and that bond as friends is what made me stay in it for as long as I did. But, the whole time there were so many of my friends that was surprised at how long I was with her. Not because she was bad, but because I'm picky. She is 5'7, wears size 1 pants, has a C cup, and has long blonde hair with deep blue eyes. A lot of guys would love to have been in my position. She is a beautiful girl, had a 4.0 from xxxx in finance, wasn't materialistic at all and has a lot to offer. Because there were just a few things missing, I couldn't settle. I'm afraid you don't see that part of me because of where we met and how easily you caught my attention...therefore maybe it all means little or nothing to you.
Also, a lot of guys do and say things to make a first impression...the whole fine wine and dine sort of deal. I've been blessed with the wisdom to read people and definitely know how to schmooze somebody if I wanted to. I could smooth talk a horse into shaving his head.....ok ok, bad analogy :) but point is, because I can doesn't mean I want to. Where a lot of people want to convince a person to like them, and it tends to make people act above their normal state of behavior, "put their best foot forward", I don't do that. If anything, I down play things. I don't want to false advertise, nor do I want my actions to be what sets the tone for the night. I guess its like I said earlier, I am always reading and evaluating people.... I'd rather let my actions be neutral and let her actions be her own...her to be herself. I think that's the best and quickest way to get to know somebody. Of course I'm going to be a gentleman at all times to anybody, and of course I want to enjoy the night, but I wouldn't want to be too formal or too whatever the first time to meet somebody and have her act that way just so she doesn't feel embarrassed about being herself. I'd rather her be herself and set the tone clear of influence from what she sees me doing. I hope that makes sense???
Point being, I didn't go into that night thinking "this is it", "here we go", or "lets get it on".... attitude for the night was to simply "meet" you in person and make sure there was no false image or misrepresentation of the superficial things. Like I said, if you think I was not attractive or whatever, that's fine and understandable. I paid my way through college by playing xxxx for a mean xxxx angry xxxxx coach who I watched film with for an hour a day 6 days a week while he scrutinized every move I made on film. Trust me, there is nothing you can or will say that will be worse than anything I've heard before....I've played in front of 110,000 angry fans in a packed stadium all at once, I was the grandson to a xxxxx in the xxxx, and I, at 18, moved halfway across the country to start a new life for myself....trust me I'm a strong independent person with very thick skin. You don't have to be "polite" :) But, aside from the few simple superficialities people can get caught up on, I don't see what happened to make you feel like your life is better off never seeing me again?
I don't know how, why, when it happened, or what you did to earn it, but I sincerely liked you. Not just as a beautiful mysterious girl I was trying to win, but as a person in general. Your answers, emails, our phone conversation gave me an impression of you that I (obviously) have thought very highly of. There is plenty of things that needed to happen, plenty of conversations that still needed to be had, and plenty of moments that needed to be shared to confirm and verify much of what I think and feel, but I have a great deal of respect for you, an enormous amount of appreciate for what you embody, and an attraction for just about every inch of what I've seen of you. I feel like the fact that I see that and get that about you on week two, versus year two, is a compliment to me not a negative. Would it had made a difference if I didn't say this to you for another two months? Would that have made my word then, or my words now, any more or less true? The answer is no. I'm a smart enough person to know what makes people attracted to people, what games make it interesting and exciting, and how wondering if somebody likes you is more addictive and enticing than knowing they do. What I've said to you hasn't been a game, although I'm sure me throwing smooth lines at you or playing some of those games might have at least gotten me a second meeting. I know you aren't shallow, but none the less, I hope you didn't find the ease and directness of it (me) a turn off! Just because it fell into your lap versus you working to earn it, doesn't mean it isn't as real or valuable as anything else you'll ever seek or desire.
I realize it makes me come off desperate and unreasonable, but that isn't at all who I am. I have plenty of friends, exes, and girls who are in themselves great catches, but just aren't exactly what I'm looking for. I can give you the names numbers of attractive girls who would love to be hearing me say the same things I've say to you but never have and never will. As funny as all that sounds for me to bring up...if you question any of that then I hope you'd take me up on the offer. I told you that I was in a relationship for two years....well, she was one of my closest friends. She was diagnosed with Bone Cancer and undertook Kimo. There were so many things about life and friendship I learned from her and took away from my relationship with her, and that bond as friends is what made me stay in it for as long as I did. But, the whole time there were so many of my friends that was surprised at how long I was with her. Not because she was bad, but because I'm picky. She is 5'7, wears size 1 pants, has a C cup, and has long blonde hair with deep blue eyes. A lot of guys would love to have been in my position. She is a beautiful girl, had a 4.0 from xxxx in finance, wasn't materialistic at all and has a lot to offer. Because there were just a few things missing, I couldn't settle. I'm afraid you don't see that part of me because of where we met and how easily you caught my attention...therefore maybe it all means little or nothing to you.
Also, a lot of guys do and say things to make a first impression...the whole fine wine and dine sort of deal. I've been blessed with the wisdom to read people and definitely know how to schmooze somebody if I wanted to. I could smooth talk a horse into shaving his head.....ok ok, bad analogy :) but point is, because I can doesn't mean I want to. Where a lot of people want to convince a person to like them, and it tends to make people act above their normal state of behavior, "put their best foot forward", I don't do that. If anything, I down play things. I don't want to false advertise, nor do I want my actions to be what sets the tone for the night. I guess its like I said earlier, I am always reading and evaluating people.... I'd rather let my actions be neutral and let her actions be her own...her to be herself. I think that's the best and quickest way to get to know somebody. Of course I'm going to be a gentleman at all times to anybody, and of course I want to enjoy the night, but I wouldn't want to be too formal or too whatever the first time to meet somebody and have her act that way just so she doesn't feel embarrassed about being herself. I'd rather her be herself and set the tone clear of influence from what she sees me doing. I hope that makes sense???
Point being, I didn't go into that night thinking "this is it", "here we go", or "lets get it on".... attitude for the night was to simply "meet" you in person and make sure there was no false image or misrepresentation of the superficial things. Like I said, if you think I was not attractive or whatever, that's fine and understandable. I paid my way through college by playing xxxx for a mean xxxx angry xxxxx coach who I watched film with for an hour a day 6 days a week while he scrutinized every move I made on film. Trust me, there is nothing you can or will say that will be worse than anything I've heard before....I've played in front of 110,000 angry fans in a packed stadium all at once, I was the grandson to a xxxxx in the xxxx, and I, at 18, moved halfway across the country to start a new life for myself....trust me I'm a strong independent person with very thick skin. You don't have to be "polite" :) But, aside from the few simple superficialities people can get caught up on, I don't see what happened to make you feel like your life is better off never seeing me again?
Emotional Vomiter - Part 2 of 5
Continued from Part 1
There is a verse in the bible that I find one of the most important, yet people fail to fully understand its meaning since the verse itself is so simple. It encompasses both logic and compassion, discipline and openness. It is what makes people both purposed and humane, stern yet gentle, free yet directed. It is the simple verse of Mathew 10:16...."Be ye as wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." For it is the balance of both of these that lets people live and feel life as God truly intends.
You see, what I think you might be taking as shyness or me being insecurely reserved, desperate or romantically restless really comes from a different place and therefore might be a misrepresentation of who I am. First off, I have never met anybody off the internet. The whole thing made me skeptical and nervous. Also, the way we got to introduce ourselves the other night was weird ... I waited in my car for you to arrive out of courtesy to you. I didn't want you to have to search for my table, nor did I want you to have to find me sitting at the table all warm and dry with you just showing up soaked and cold. My intention was to see you pull up and get out and walk in with you at the same time. It made it awkward how you ran into the restaurant before I could get there, which meant by the time I got in we had to meet for the first time ever with the hostess watching, ready to seat us. Along with that, I found you to be quite a surprise. Being that we met online, and you were my first date of somebody in that way, I was really surprised. Your look, demeanor, manners, smile, and laugh....all of it was very much what I look for and am used to getting, but I just wasn't expecting it from an online match that came so easily and quickly after joining something I had rolled my eyes at for so long. It all caught me off guard and made me feel unusually not myself, especially coming from the day I had at work.
That said, I really like to get to know somebody from the ground up, inside out. I usually listen before I speak. Most girls I've been with, most girls I date and talk to, are successful, very outgoing, talk a lot, and typically knew something about me going into it... And because I've always felt confident in what I have to offer and can be very picky about what I am looking for, I usually spend the first meeting leading the conversations as far as asking questions and getting to know the other person. When I think about it, I guess you could almost say I size them up to see if I want more to do with them. With you it was different. I felt like I already knew you and liked you, which is odd considering how hard I usually am to get and the way we met. You weren't nearly as talkative as what I'm use to, for which the reason is obvious now...
I wouldn't be talkative if I was sitting across from a guy I thought looked like Shrek either ;) . No, but seriously....it was different than I'm use to. I've never in my life been dumped, and I've never once been the chaser or the person who was turned down. I know that is coming off cocky, but I don't mean it like that.. It is just true. I've always felt like the smarter one, the less interested one...Like the person who had the choice and the one with less to lose. Never have I ever been anything but.... yet it has been the opposite with you. I felt that at the restaurant and your email last night confirmed it. It all put me out of my comfort zone and I'm not sure why.
All that said, I wanted to say this to you before you become a person I talked to for a few weeks and never heard from again...
I know you are a driven successful person. You attended a top 30 school in the country (I know because I looked into it when I was considering where to apply for my doctorate degree/PHD), all of your friends and family are equally driven and have obviously worked hard to get to where they are. You have a great work ethic and your whole life will be defined by the cause and effect relationship behind effort and outcome, reap and reward, do then see. But, I dare you to be bold enough to equally enjoy the smaller, easier, things that come along in life. Just because something comes easy, or free, doesn't mean its not worth having or keeping. A rundown shack on the beach can be equally as beautiful as the mansion on the hill. And considering a week's salary would pay the title for the shack by the sea, versus the mansion, it might even be more enjoyable since there isn't a mortgage, debt, or stress attached.
I'm not sure what you think I'm seeking, what you feel I have to offer, or what you think I was expecting in return, but I assure you it was all free with not a single string attached. I wasn't trying to marry you, I wasn't trying to wow you, I wasn't trying to replace your best friend, get you to give me your kidney, nor was I trying to fill your weekend/date schedule. I merely wanted to get to know you more and have enough fun with you smile and laugh your adorable subtle chuckle a few more times while I did it....that's it :)
There is a verse in the bible that I find one of the most important, yet people fail to fully understand its meaning since the verse itself is so simple. It encompasses both logic and compassion, discipline and openness. It is what makes people both purposed and humane, stern yet gentle, free yet directed. It is the simple verse of Mathew 10:16...."Be ye as wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." For it is the balance of both of these that lets people live and feel life as God truly intends.
You see, what I think you might be taking as shyness or me being insecurely reserved, desperate or romantically restless really comes from a different place and therefore might be a misrepresentation of who I am. First off, I have never met anybody off the internet. The whole thing made me skeptical and nervous. Also, the way we got to introduce ourselves the other night was weird ... I waited in my car for you to arrive out of courtesy to you. I didn't want you to have to search for my table, nor did I want you to have to find me sitting at the table all warm and dry with you just showing up soaked and cold. My intention was to see you pull up and get out and walk in with you at the same time. It made it awkward how you ran into the restaurant before I could get there, which meant by the time I got in we had to meet for the first time ever with the hostess watching, ready to seat us. Along with that, I found you to be quite a surprise. Being that we met online, and you were my first date of somebody in that way, I was really surprised. Your look, demeanor, manners, smile, and laugh....all of it was very much what I look for and am used to getting, but I just wasn't expecting it from an online match that came so easily and quickly after joining something I had rolled my eyes at for so long. It all caught me off guard and made me feel unusually not myself, especially coming from the day I had at work.
That said, I really like to get to know somebody from the ground up, inside out. I usually listen before I speak. Most girls I've been with, most girls I date and talk to, are successful, very outgoing, talk a lot, and typically knew something about me going into it... And because I've always felt confident in what I have to offer and can be very picky about what I am looking for, I usually spend the first meeting leading the conversations as far as asking questions and getting to know the other person. When I think about it, I guess you could almost say I size them up to see if I want more to do with them. With you it was different. I felt like I already knew you and liked you, which is odd considering how hard I usually am to get and the way we met. You weren't nearly as talkative as what I'm use to, for which the reason is obvious now...
I wouldn't be talkative if I was sitting across from a guy I thought looked like Shrek either ;) . No, but seriously....it was different than I'm use to. I've never in my life been dumped, and I've never once been the chaser or the person who was turned down. I know that is coming off cocky, but I don't mean it like that.. It is just true. I've always felt like the smarter one, the less interested one...Like the person who had the choice and the one with less to lose. Never have I ever been anything but.... yet it has been the opposite with you. I felt that at the restaurant and your email last night confirmed it. It all put me out of my comfort zone and I'm not sure why.
All that said, I wanted to say this to you before you become a person I talked to for a few weeks and never heard from again...
I know you are a driven successful person. You attended a top 30 school in the country (I know because I looked into it when I was considering where to apply for my doctorate degree/PHD), all of your friends and family are equally driven and have obviously worked hard to get to where they are. You have a great work ethic and your whole life will be defined by the cause and effect relationship behind effort and outcome, reap and reward, do then see. But, I dare you to be bold enough to equally enjoy the smaller, easier, things that come along in life. Just because something comes easy, or free, doesn't mean its not worth having or keeping. A rundown shack on the beach can be equally as beautiful as the mansion on the hill. And considering a week's salary would pay the title for the shack by the sea, versus the mansion, it might even be more enjoyable since there isn't a mortgage, debt, or stress attached.
I'm not sure what you think I'm seeking, what you feel I have to offer, or what you think I was expecting in return, but I assure you it was all free with not a single string attached. I wasn't trying to marry you, I wasn't trying to wow you, I wasn't trying to replace your best friend, get you to give me your kidney, nor was I trying to fill your weekend/date schedule. I merely wanted to get to know you more and have enough fun with you smile and laugh your adorable subtle chuckle a few more times while I did it....that's it :)
Monday, April 25, 2011
Emotional Vomiter - Part 1 of 5
I went out with a guy on one date. Before the date, we emailed a bit and talked on the phone twice. After our first date, I felt that something was off. He emailed me about 30 minutes after our date to say how fabulous it was. I responded it was nice to meet him but I wasn't feeling it.
The next day he sent me a text asking if he could respond in his own way via email - and if a $100 dinner deserved at least that (as a side note, I did volunteer to pay my half). I said sure, to email me through eharmony even though he wanted my personal email address.
The email came the next day. If you didn't know it, eharmony has a maximum number of characters per message. I received 5 emails totaling over 5000 words. I couldn't even write 1000 for my MBA application. I had to have a glass of wine to get started on the writing.
Here is part one. More to come, but I am editing out parts of it so you never know who he is!
Email 1
Hey there Liz,
I am between positions right now (I got a promotions last week) so I haven't had much to do at work so far this week. I won't start my new position until next week... Anyway, I typed you an email at work today. I didn't realize how long it got, but its what I really wanted to say to you...so, I copied and pasted it into four emails on here so you could read. I know you're busy, but I'd very much like it if you could read all of them...the last isn't as long and it should only take about 10 mins.
Either way, I hope you'll look them over and I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. Nice meeting you!
Email 2
Haha...wow. That one dinner had a lot more riding on it that I thought! :) I know this email is longer...but I'd appreciate you taking the 15 mins to read it if you don't mind. It would have been much quicker and easier to say over the phone or something, but since you have my number and chose to send your message via eharmony instead, I'm assuming you would rather not. But, I still had a few things to say and I hope you'll give it the time to read since I gave it the time to type and send :)Thanks!
Had I known last Thurs was my one and only shot, I certainly would have done things differently. For starters, I wouldn't have scheduled it after back to back nights of 4 hours of sleep, I wouldn't have done it on a day at work when I had a very stressful disaster happen to one of my clients/accounts in the last hour of my work day - which kept me late and barely left me enough time to rush home and change some of my clothes and head to the restaurant (no shower or anything else), and all that after receiving probably the worst haircut in my life from a friend [ex friend after the work he did] ;) ... And, looking back, I wouldn't have met you in such an empty restaurant where the first face to face conversations of an internet's matched "blind date" could be awkwardly be echoed across to nearby tables...haha.
Considering we never did much more than small talk over a short Thursday dinner and entertain casual innocent questions, I can only think of about 4 situations that could make you feel as though another meeting between us is pointless and unacceptable. One, since most people usually put there best foot forward on the first meeting and try to push their 'A game' to make a good first impression, you feel you've seen my best and don't think its good enough. Two, you found the night awkward and just don't want do endure another awkward night. Three, you have so many guys interested in dating you that you have to make a cut at some point...and I'm a casualty of volume and didn't make it. Or four, you think I have more in common with Shrek than Prince Charming :)
If it is the latter, my appearance, I sincerely apologize for the waste of your night! For such a pretty girl to have to sit with a person they find unacceptably unattractive is both ironic, funny, and sad. I wish you knew me more and you would have known you didn't have to sit through the whole dinner just to be polite. Haha...what a terrible hour it must have been for you... If this is truly your reason I am honestly not offended.... For my friend's, xxxxx (the guy I let cut my hair), sake I hope my newly done, fashionably uneven and cropped cut, didn't factory into that ;) , but if its for the other then I understand and am honestly not offended. Different people see things in different ways. Take you... a guy could see you and see totally opposite things from the next. For example, the mark on your cheek could be looked at as an ugly mole that takes away from an otherwise normal face, while another guy could see it as a beauty mark that compliments and balances the beauty of your gorgeous eye color and your adorable soft cheek. I have had beautiful girls think I'm hot while uglier girls (in my opinion) think I'm not. Life's irony..... I realize its all in the eye of the beholder, and I would never take offense to it if that's how you feel. I can't say that I would even blame you....I haven't had a ray of sunshine in forever, I've haven't worked out in months, and I've been on 3 vacations since October....that with the holidays means I've ate out a ton and I think its been showing in my face a bit. I have an amazing talent to gain and lose weight (comes from me playing xxxxx in college) so I'm not worried about it. I know once I start working out and get back to a routine it'll be ok, but again I wouldn't blame you thinking that on a first impression. I am sorry if this is the reason, and I appreciate the respect and patience it took for you to sit through dinner as politely as you did! I guess I should have ordered your wine by the bottle instead of glass so I started to look better ;) I would have eventually looked better to you had I done that! ..haha. But seriously, if this is the case then I am truly sorry for the disappointment. I tried to put pictures up of me the represented me the most. I even avoided putting ones from summer so that my pictures match my skin tone as you'll see me now. Either way, I apologize for the waste of your night and feel free to stop reading this email past this point if my physical features have anything to do with your decision to not see me again.
However, if this was not your reason....if your decision was due to any of the first scenarios I suggested, then I respectfully ask you to consider the rest of this email in its entirety. Its purpose is not to change your mind, sway your opinion, talk you into or out of anything, or do anything other than to say a final word that I think you should, and deserve to, hear regardless of what may come, or not, between you and I. After all, "There is no greater tragedy in life than that of an unspoken word..." -- William Shakespeare
The next day he sent me a text asking if he could respond in his own way via email - and if a $100 dinner deserved at least that (as a side note, I did volunteer to pay my half). I said sure, to email me through eharmony even though he wanted my personal email address.
The email came the next day. If you didn't know it, eharmony has a maximum number of characters per message. I received 5 emails totaling over 5000 words. I couldn't even write 1000 for my MBA application. I had to have a glass of wine to get started on the writing.
Here is part one. More to come, but I am editing out parts of it so you never know who he is!
Email 1
Hey there Liz,
I am between positions right now (I got a promotions last week) so I haven't had much to do at work so far this week. I won't start my new position until next week... Anyway, I typed you an email at work today. I didn't realize how long it got, but its what I really wanted to say to you...so, I copied and pasted it into four emails on here so you could read. I know you're busy, but I'd very much like it if you could read all of them...the last isn't as long and it should only take about 10 mins.
Either way, I hope you'll look them over and I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. Nice meeting you!
Email 2
Haha...wow. That one dinner had a lot more riding on it that I thought! :) I know this email is longer...but I'd appreciate you taking the 15 mins to read it if you don't mind. It would have been much quicker and easier to say over the phone or something, but since you have my number and chose to send your message via eharmony instead, I'm assuming you would rather not. But, I still had a few things to say and I hope you'll give it the time to read since I gave it the time to type and send :)Thanks!
Had I known last Thurs was my one and only shot, I certainly would have done things differently. For starters, I wouldn't have scheduled it after back to back nights of 4 hours of sleep, I wouldn't have done it on a day at work when I had a very stressful disaster happen to one of my clients/accounts in the last hour of my work day - which kept me late and barely left me enough time to rush home and change some of my clothes and head to the restaurant (no shower or anything else), and all that after receiving probably the worst haircut in my life from a friend [ex friend after the work he did] ;) ... And, looking back, I wouldn't have met you in such an empty restaurant where the first face to face conversations of an internet's matched "blind date" could be awkwardly be echoed across to nearby tables...haha.
Considering we never did much more than small talk over a short Thursday dinner and entertain casual innocent questions, I can only think of about 4 situations that could make you feel as though another meeting between us is pointless and unacceptable. One, since most people usually put there best foot forward on the first meeting and try to push their 'A game' to make a good first impression, you feel you've seen my best and don't think its good enough. Two, you found the night awkward and just don't want do endure another awkward night. Three, you have so many guys interested in dating you that you have to make a cut at some point...and I'm a casualty of volume and didn't make it. Or four, you think I have more in common with Shrek than Prince Charming :)
If it is the latter, my appearance, I sincerely apologize for the waste of your night! For such a pretty girl to have to sit with a person they find unacceptably unattractive is both ironic, funny, and sad. I wish you knew me more and you would have known you didn't have to sit through the whole dinner just to be polite. Haha...what a terrible hour it must have been for you... If this is truly your reason I am honestly not offended.... For my friend's, xxxxx (the guy I let cut my hair), sake I hope my newly done, fashionably uneven and cropped cut, didn't factory into that ;) , but if its for the other then I understand and am honestly not offended. Different people see things in different ways. Take you... a guy could see you and see totally opposite things from the next. For example, the mark on your cheek could be looked at as an ugly mole that takes away from an otherwise normal face, while another guy could see it as a beauty mark that compliments and balances the beauty of your gorgeous eye color and your adorable soft cheek. I have had beautiful girls think I'm hot while uglier girls (in my opinion) think I'm not. Life's irony..... I realize its all in the eye of the beholder, and I would never take offense to it if that's how you feel. I can't say that I would even blame you....I haven't had a ray of sunshine in forever, I've haven't worked out in months, and I've been on 3 vacations since October....that with the holidays means I've ate out a ton and I think its been showing in my face a bit. I have an amazing talent to gain and lose weight (comes from me playing xxxxx in college) so I'm not worried about it. I know once I start working out and get back to a routine it'll be ok, but again I wouldn't blame you thinking that on a first impression. I am sorry if this is the reason, and I appreciate the respect and patience it took for you to sit through dinner as politely as you did! I guess I should have ordered your wine by the bottle instead of glass so I started to look better ;) I would have eventually looked better to you had I done that! ..haha. But seriously, if this is the case then I am truly sorry for the disappointment. I tried to put pictures up of me the represented me the most. I even avoided putting ones from summer so that my pictures match my skin tone as you'll see me now. Either way, I apologize for the waste of your night and feel free to stop reading this email past this point if my physical features have anything to do with your decision to not see me again.
However, if this was not your reason....if your decision was due to any of the first scenarios I suggested, then I respectfully ask you to consider the rest of this email in its entirety. Its purpose is not to change your mind, sway your opinion, talk you into or out of anything, or do anything other than to say a final word that I think you should, and deserve to, hear regardless of what may come, or not, between you and I. After all, "There is no greater tragedy in life than that of an unspoken word..." -- William Shakespeare
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Cucumbers for Breakfast
Whenever my Egyptian family is in town, there is a constant aroma of garlic and spices. Every 3 hours a new meal is cooked, and you must eat because that is tradition.
My least favorite meal of the day is Egyptian breakfast. One common item to serve is foul medames. Imagine refried beans in a pita and 800 spices mixed in with it. Now imagine those beans and spices burning (yes, burning whenever you mess it up) in a crock pot all night. That is the smell you awake to in the morning and one that takes 5+ days to clear out.
One poor guy I went out with told me of his trip to Europe. He was a nice guy. As he told me about his trip to Germany, he told me about their breakfast which included cucumbers and tomatoes. He was absolutely appalled by their eating styles and said he could not wait to get back to the states and have his bacon and eggs every morning. All I could do was smile and imagine him waking up to the smell of burnt foul medamas. I don't think he would last 5 minutes.
My least favorite meal of the day is Egyptian breakfast. One common item to serve is foul medames. Imagine refried beans in a pita and 800 spices mixed in with it. Now imagine those beans and spices burning (yes, burning whenever you mess it up) in a crock pot all night. That is the smell you awake to in the morning and one that takes 5+ days to clear out.
One poor guy I went out with told me of his trip to Europe. He was a nice guy. As he told me about his trip to Germany, he told me about their breakfast which included cucumbers and tomatoes. He was absolutely appalled by their eating styles and said he could not wait to get back to the states and have his bacon and eggs every morning. All I could do was smile and imagine him waking up to the smell of burnt foul medamas. I don't think he would last 5 minutes.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The other side's POV
Thank you, Yih!
All - please make sure to take a look at MyDatingRepellent. It is the ying of this yang website - stories from a guy's prospective. Can't have one without the other!
All - please make sure to take a look at MyDatingRepellent. It is the ying of this yang website - stories from a guy's prospective. Can't have one without the other!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Poker Face
I'm starting off this one by saying that men say and do some extremely inappropriate things (well, so do women). This one still makes me a little uncomfortable, but we've got to laugh at life!
I was out in Indy with my brother at Brothers bar in Broad Ripple. We were playing pool and talking with some of the guys there. My brother went to the rest room and left me there - no big deal right?
The guy who was chatting with us carried on a little normal conversation until Lady Gaga's Poker Face song came on. He look at me and asked me if I thought it meant "poker face" and gestured to his face, or "poke her face" and make a circle with one had as he stuck his other finger through it.
I was out in Indy with my brother at Brothers bar in Broad Ripple. We were playing pool and talking with some of the guys there. My brother went to the rest room and left me there - no big deal right?
The guy who was chatting with us carried on a little normal conversation until Lady Gaga's Poker Face song came on. He look at me and asked me if I thought it meant "poker face" and gestured to his face, or "poke her face" and make a circle with one had as he stuck his other finger through it.
My Name is Nikki
One evening in Atlanta I stopped by Caribou coffee late in the evening with my friend. As we were grabbing a coffee, I noticed a table of Middle Easterners who were talking about us in Arabic. I told my friend she could tell him "ma'a as-salaama" which means goodbye on our way out. Instead, she decided to spark conversation with them.
As I turned around, she was already sitting at their table and chatting away. Of course, they were shocked to find out I was Egyptian. Then, my dear friend told them that her name is Nikki. In any other language that would not be a problem. But in Arabic, Nikki is something you should never say. In fact, it means "f-me". Of course they broke into laughter.
To top it all off, as she is telling them her name, in walks the ONE Egyptian whom I had been out on a date with in Atlanta. He was friends with the group. As we both awkwardly look at each other, all friends ask where we had met. Where else would two Egyptians mean but arablounge?
As I turned around, she was already sitting at their table and chatting away. Of course, they were shocked to find out I was Egyptian. Then, my dear friend told them that her name is Nikki. In any other language that would not be a problem. But in Arabic, Nikki is something you should never say. In fact, it means "f-me". Of course they broke into laughter.
To top it all off, as she is telling them her name, in walks the ONE Egyptian whom I had been out on a date with in Atlanta. He was friends with the group. As we both awkwardly look at each other, all friends ask where we had met. Where else would two Egyptians mean but arablounge?
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